It’s Not About Who Wins

I remember saying to a couple on my couch, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!" They didn’t much seem to believe me.  They were simultaneously trying to win while proving they were losing.  Yep, they were trying to win at a game of “who does more and gets less.”  I am not sure what the trophy would have been, but the “prize” appeared to be a battered and painful marriage. And they weren’t alone.  They AREN’T alone!  Lots of couples act like they are in a competition to win. And they think it is an individual sport, not a team sport! That’s where the damage happens.  Instead of playing to win at life, they are playing to win against a spouse. Against.  Anytime you find yourself against your spouse, you can guarantee the outcome is not a win for the team.  It is not a help for the marriage… for the relationship. With every win you get in an individual competition, there is a loser… in this case, your spouse.  And if your spouse wins, you lose. Learn why this is so dangerous and how to escape the one-on-one competition in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Being on the Team Being a WE What about Conflict? Why Connection Matters Save The Marriage System