019: Do Children Really Need Psychological Boundaries?

Parents generally are more likely to talk about physical boundaries with children, than they are about psychological ones. And this is understandable, because we want to teach children to be safe and know how to stay away from unwanted touch.    But it is just as important to be able to detect any kind of unwanted interactions.    Children need to be able to respond to inappropriate behavior towards them and be able to tell if they are treated with respect. Knowing what is unwanted comes from knowing what is within one's comfort zone.​   Children are not born with the sense of boundaries, but they do have a natural tendency for them.    That is where the need to do things their own way comes from, as is their adamant and unyielding “no” when they first learn to say it. And the reason that this tendency is natural is because psychological boundaries protect our Sense of Self (which is what makes us human and different from other animals).    So when we are asking if the child needs psychological boundaries, it is the same as asking, whether they need a Sense of Self. Without the sense of Self, the child cannot have Self-esteem. ​   The child's Self-Esteem depends on boundaries.    Boundaries shape a healthy personality. But even though the tendency for boundaries is natural, children do not always know to protect one's space, be it physical or mental is natural. They need help and also need to be taught the skills of asserting boundaries and protecting them for the sake of their mental health.    The most simple way to teach boundaries is through respect.   Self-esteem is directly tied to self-respect, which has its origins in being treated with respect as a child. And being treated respectfully by others means that the child’s personal boundaries are respected, which starts at home and gets reinforced at home.  ​    So even though self-esteem is something we cannot directly shape or influence, self-respect is in fact something we can teach and model directly by being respectful towards our children.​   Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach More info at theparentingpresence.com