TLP377: Why People Lie with Michael Reddington

Michael Reddington, an expert at moving people from resistance to commitment. He is an executive resource, Certified Forensic Interviewer, President of InQuasive, Inc., and author of “The Disciplined Listening Method.” He discusses coaching, effective communication, and his Disciplined Listening Method. This method emphasizes patience, outcome-focused thinking, and emotional control. The conversation also covers hiring for valuable traits like patience and empathy, and the importance of creating opportunities for employees to demonstrate these skills.  Michael highlights that people often lie to protect themselves and suggests seeking more details when confronted with excuses to promote accountability. The challenges of virtual communication, distractions, and the importance of self-discipline and empathy in leadership are also addressed.     Key Takeaways [02:33] Michael Reddington, a certified forensic interviewer, shares his unique passion for coaching youth sports, something not found in his public bio. He discusses the value of teaching and learning, even for seasoned professionals. Michael explains the role of a certified forensic interviewer in helping businesses tackle complex issues like theft, fraud, and harassment. He also touched on the Discipline Listening Method, a unique approach to uncovering the truth in business situations. [07:07] Michael Reddington introduces the Discipline Listening Method. This method goes beyond basic active listening and aims to solve common communication problems. [15:02] Michael Reddington discusses the balance between hiring for behaviors and teaching skills in business. He explores the importance of identifying and fostering traits like patience, empathy, and the ability to ask good questions. Michael highlights the need for strategic communication in leadership and suggests that leaders should create opportunities for employees to demonstrate these qualities. He also emphasizes the value of slowing down the perception of time in conversations to reduce defensiveness and improve information sharing. [25:12] Michael discusses the concept of lying and excuses. He suggests that people often lie to protect themselves and emphasizes the importance of trust in relationships. Michael differentiates between trust and faith, highlighting that trust is built through experience. He recommends handling excuses by asking for more details to promote accountability. The podcast challenges common beliefs about lying and excuses, focusing on trust and productive conversations. [33:09] Michael's discussion revolves around the challenges of effective communication in a world dominated by virtual meetings, distractions, and the changing landscape of interpersonal interactions. Michael also explores how the shift to remote work and the prevalence of online meetings have affected communication dynamics. [37:04] Michael delves into the concept of disciplined listening and leadership. Michael introduces a leadership test consisting of three questions: "Are you calm? Are you consistent? Are you making people better?" He explores the idea that effective leadership often requires self-discipline, empathy, and an understanding of how to approach emotional moments in interactions. [43:42] Closing quote: I remind myself every morning nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening.  — Larry King   Quotable Quotes "Patience allows the conversation to come to you. Be patient. Let it unfold." "Listening equals learning. If we're not learning, we're not listening." "Empathizing doesn't mean agreeing or thinking that they're right, just understanding that based on their experience and expectations, that is a valid perspective that they have." "If we're quiet long enough, you'll be surprised how many questions will get answered for you." "If you're going to hire for it, you better know how to ask for it, and you better know how to create experiential opportunities for people to demonstrate it." "If somebody lies to me, if somebody gives me an excuse, it's likely because they're trying to save face and avoid a consequence." "Excuses pave the highway to accountability." "The most unsettling person is the person who cannot be unsettled." "People in general will be surprised what other people will tell them and what other people will do for them when we prioritize our counterparts in our communication."   Here are the books mentioned in this episode   Resources Mentioned The Leadership Podcast | Sponsored by | Rafti Advisors. LLC | Self-Reliant Leadership. LLC | Michael Reddington LinkedIn | Michael Reddington Website | InQuasive Website |