How to Rebuild Trust When Trust Has Been Broken. - EP3

Episode 3 - Can trust be repaired? Broken trust and how to create trust within yourself to build stronger confidence. Did someone in your world break your trust? Maybe it was your friend, a boyfriend, a parent, or if you are married maybe it was your spouse. Maybe it was someone at work. A teammate or your boss. Or there’s that vendor that you do business with who always makes promises that they don’t keep. Many times in our lives we will encounter others that betray us in some way. They break promises, contracts, or simply don’t behave in a way that is trustworthy. This can feel devastating, break our hearts, and at times depending on who it is or what the offense was, it can create a huge hole in our hearts that we don’t know how to fill. Often times, it’s so big it feels as if it can never be filled or repaired. Most likely you have a person picked out in your mind as you are listening to this and you may be shaking your head or thinking YES! I do have someone who broke my trust. You are listening with an anticipatory ear for the answer to how to fix it! What do I do to fix it?? Place your hand you’re your heart and take three deep breaths. For real, stop what you are doing (unless your are driving or operating machinery of course)  but even if so you can still take in three long, deep, and controlled breaths. Then I want you to say out loud _____________ you broke my trust and I am _______________ by it.  Even though I am ____________________ I forgive you. Take one second and notice what thoughts flood to your brain. I am not forgiving this person for what they did. You just don’t know how badly they hurt me. Or _______ isn’t forgivable. Or maybe you have the thought I wish I could forgive them. That would be great to forgive them. Then I want you to consider this. Forgiving is a choice. It is your choice. The even greater point is that YOU and your thoughts are what is preventing YOU from having peace around this break in trust. Don’t worry, I hear you. Your brain is creating thoughts like “I am not responsible for their behavior.” You are 100 percent correct. I am not asking you to forget what happened to break the trust you once had. What I am asking you to do is to allow YOU to have peace around the break in trust. Why?? You cannot and never will be able to control what other people do to you or how they show up. Period. End of story. Having control over other people and their actions is an illusion. If you are like me, you like the idea of control, you like consistency, you love to be shown respect and you want to trust the people you love and care for. Heck, we even expect to be able to trust people we don’t know, love, or care for. So what is the benefit of forgiving someone who has broken your trust? We tend to believe this is giving the person who broke our trust a break somehow. They aren’t having to pay for what they did. This may be true. Understand that I am not advocating that you TRUST this person or step back into whatever situation that you were in. I am simply asking you to consider letting go of the thoughts that are creating the pain in you right now. This gift of forgiveness is a gift to YOU! The other person doesn’t ever have to know. What are the benefits of letting go and forgiving the hurt and pain that you believe someone else created in your life by breaking your TRUST? You have more room in your brain for more productive thoughts. Often times, when a breach of trust happens, you spend a ton of time reviewing the story in your mind. You tell other people and continue reinforcing how horrible it was. This not only reinforces your disappointment, increases your emotions of anger or sadness, and prevents you from healing. By forgiving the person, it allows your brain to move on to something better. It may or may not involve the other person. It creates more freedom for you to experience a new circumstance that will outshine the negative one. When you are feeling hurt or not trusting yo