5 Ways To Improve Your Relationships | TCM #89 (Part 1)

Relationships have become more challenging for many people. In this episode, Bernhard and Laura share five fundamental ways to improve all your relationships. They discuss the necessity for Animus/Anima integration, how healing from developmental trauma is key to healthy relationships, and the biologically-based core needs that are essential to our physical and emotional well-being to thrive in life and relationships. Furthermore, they provide practical tips and reflective questions to help you create and attract better relationships. Show Notes Part 1: * Learning the art of listening and communication skills * The trap of overly isolating yourself and denial of the need for a relationship * 3 parts to work on: each individual on themselves and the relationship * There’s a difference between unfulfilled childhood needs we try to get met from our partner as opposed to healthy adult needs * Attachment styles, self-awareness * Differentiation, vulnerability, taking responsibility * The 5 A’s - and how this teaches you how to be more mature in relationships * Attention/acceptance/appreciation/affection/allowing - begin as needs to be fulfilled by our parents and then become needs fulfilled by our partners and become gifts we give to others in the world * Attention = attunement. We cannot attune if we assume certain feelings; we need to be neutral and mindful; it requires genuine interest and curiosity. * Don’t be furious; be curious * Acceptance: you’re embraced as worthy, and you approve and validate the person - not trying to change your partner in something you want. It validates someone even if you do not agree. * Appreciation: gives depth to acceptance; you admire, respect, and appreciate the person as unique. We need this for self-worth and confidence. Appreciation and gratitude go hand in hand - daily double * The ratio of appreciation to a complaint in couples that stay together is 5 -1 * Beneath every complaint is a lack of the 5 A’s * Affection is loving touch, physical touch, and embrace. Compassion is a form of affection * Allowing: allowing the other person to be themselves, non-controlling In Part 2 (only for members) we go deeper into: * Anima/Animus projections and how it determines who we attract and are attracted to * The alchemical marriage of the inner male and female * The four stages of Anima/Animus projections and integration * Developmental Trauma and how it affects our relationships * Type 1 single-incident traumas, what we refer to as shock trauma * Type 2 prolonged, interpersonal traumas, what we refer to as complex trauma C-PTSD * Complex trauma results from chronic, long-term exposure to relational and emotional trauma in which an individual has little or no control * Relational and emotional trauma leads to profound changes in neurological development and functioning, which causes significant problems in a person’s life * C-PTSD is being used as a catch-all for both ongoing interpersonal trauma for children and adults and the impacts of childhood trauma on adults * Relational Model(NARM) recognizes five biologically based core needs that are essential to our physical and emotional well-being: the need for connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love-sexuality * These patterns of survival adaptation were created as a way to resolve the core dilemma. They are based on a foreclosing of one’s authentic Self to protect against attachment loss, which is experienced as the loss of love in the universe.