#277: WHY BEATING YOURSELF UP DOESN’T WORK AND HOW TO CHANGE

WHY BEATING YOURSELF UP DOESN’T WORK AND HOW TO CHANGE PODCAST #277 In this episode of#TheConfidencePodcastwe are chatting about: * Why we beat ourselves up in the first place * How to stop the silly madness of the self-sabotage that this cycle creates * The step-by-step process of letting go of self-criticism As always, a quick hello to all of my Keep the Faith listeners, thanks for being a part of this extended community of contagious encouragement. SPONSORSHIP NOTE: I am proud to bring this podcast to you in part thanks to my partnership with Beautycounter. Beautycounter is more than just a company I believe in, it is the only company I trust fully for myself and my family.  Beautycounter has brought a new level of health to my household, reduced our toxic exposure, and increased my self-care routine and how beautiful and clean my skin is. I can honestly say that I feel more beautifully me, thanks to Beautycounter. Oh, and we are more than just a beauty company. We are a movement. We are on a mission to get safer products into the hands of everyone. We work because we can’t stand by idly as harmful chemicals cause our loved ones to get sick, struggle with fertility, and give birth to children with significant health issues. We work towards cleaner beauty everywhere because this is personal to all of us. Shop for your own Beautycounter collection at www.beautycounter.com/trishblackwell WHY WE BEAT OURSELVES UP IN THE FIRST PLACE We beat ourselves up because of a variety of false, self-limiting beliefs: -that we need to be perfect -that we have to prove our worth -that it’s not okay to make mistakes -that we need to know everything (instead of to learn) -that everyone but us has “it” all figured out -that the highlight reels on social media are people’s real lives -that we are holding onto toxic parts of our upbringing -that we need to earn our place in this world -that our voice doesn’t matter unless it’s a certain, conformed way -that we can’t trust ourselves -that we will be “found out” as imposters -that we aren’t really loveable -that we need to be doing “better” than we are -that when we are perfect then we can be happy {I beat myself up over everything – anything that wasn’t perfect, social awkwardness, how I looked, the fact that I had shameful eating secrets, imposter syndrome, my weight, my hair, my personality, my quirkiness, my interests, my family / my parents, my poor decisions, you name it, I found a way to shame myself over it. And shame is silencing. It reinforces the falsehood that you don’t matter – and it makes you want to hide.} HOW TO STOP THE SELF-SABOTAGE THAT COMES WITH SELF-CRITICISM Get angry about bullies in the world – and then be honest about who you have been to yourself (a bully – and that’s just not cool or okay!) Realize that negative motivation doesn’t work long-term for anyone. It puts us into a box of fear instead of setting us free to flow and thrive. Make a list of how “beating yourself up” has actually helped you. Now make a list of how it has harmed you, discouraged you, derailed you, put you into an all-or-nothing loop of behavior, or made you feel less than / unworthy / unprepared for life. {For me, I realized that I was making life – and my goals – way harder than it needed to be. Way more stressful, way more challenging, way more pressured. I changed because I got desperate – I figured, what did I have to lose?} THE STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS OF LETTING GO OF SELF-CRITICISM: * Give yourself permission to change.