168 The Typical Twelve

Brian and Chad discuss the "typical twelve" responses to distress. These are responses coaches should avoid. Advising: I think you should leave the room the second he raises his voice. One-upping: You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about the rages my husband gets into. Educating: I can recommend a really good book that describes what happens in the brain when you’ve been traumatized as a child. Analyzing: It sounds like you have internalized your father’s rages so that your husband’s raised voice triggers that old fear. Storytelling: Did I ever tell you what I did on my honeymoon when my husband yelled at me? Minimizing: Well, at least he doesn’t hit you the way your father did. Sympathizing: I feel frightened when I hear how angry he gets. Interrogating: How often does he go into one of these rages? Reassuring: I’m confident that you’ll find a way to resolve this together; the two of you have been through a lot. Avoiding: Let’s talk about something else, OK? This topic is quite upsetting. Diagnosing: It sounds like you have some typical codependent personality traits. OR It sounds like he has dysfunctional anger syndrome. Judging: It sounds like you’ve made a poor choice in a spouse.