8 Signs You’re People Pleasing and How to Stop People Pleasing

When I was in my forties, I didn’t even consider “no” an option. Instead, I did everything everyone asked me to do without even thinking about it. This led to stress, resentment, and sometimes doing things God didn’t want me to do. Not bad things, but things that weren’t right for that time in my life. In this post and podcast, I want to talk about people pleasing: how to know when you’re doing it and how to stop people pleasing. People Pleasing vs. Self-Pleasing vs. Pleasing God Before we look at how to stop people pleasing, let’s look at the difference between people pleasing, self-pleasing, and pleasing God. Most of us lean towards one of two camps: “I’ll do what I want to do!” or “I’ll do what you want me to do.” The second camp seems more loving but it’s not. Listen to what Paul says in Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” With people pleasing, we’re putting others above God and it’s hard to be loving when you do that. So no matter what camp we’re in, our goal should be to move out of that camp and land in the I-want-to-please-God camp–not the I’ll-please-myself camp. It can take years to overcome people pleasing. I should know because I’ve been working at it ever since I started writing this blog eight years ago! God has made great strides in this area of my life but I’m not all the way over it. Here’s the truth though: The more we focus on pleasing God, the happier we’ll be–especially when we remember that God gives grace. We’re not pleasing him to get Him to love us or accept us. He already loves us. This is also a good reason to please others–out of love for them rather than to get them to love us. 10 Signs You’re a People Pleaser If you’re a people pleaser, chances are good that you already know it. But it can still be helpful to look at a list of signs to be able to check yourself. When I googled people pleasing, I found this post. Since I can’t improve on it, I’ll share the link so you can check it out yourself: 10 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser. I also thought it would be helpful to include my own list of 8 signs you’re people pleasing in an unhealthy way. I came up with this list during a coaching session. I was having a hard time making decisions (because I want to make everyone happy), and my coach asked me to make a list of signs that I was making decisions in an unhealthy way. Following is the list I came up with. 8 Signs You’re People Pleasing in an Unhealthy Way * You’re committed at a level higher than the situation warrants. For example, let’s say you’re in a bad dating relationship and you’re doing everything you can to fix it because the other person really wants to stay with you. You’re committed at a level higher than the situation warrants. Leave that guy! Do it in a kind way but remember that his feelings are his responsibility, not yours. * You’re feeling a responsibility God hasn’t given. When my kids were little, I played piano at a church that had both an organist and a piano player. The organist was happy playing each Sunday, but the piano players (there were three of us) were busy and didn’t enjoy it as much so we rotated. I should have quit – they didn’t need me since they had an organ player, but I kept playing because I felt like I would make ...