Birthday Party On Mars

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/10/2020. Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann and Creative Director Ethan Nicolle are joined by The Babylon Bee Senior Writer Frank J. Fleming to talk about the week’s big stories.  Frank has a new book Superego: Fathom which is a sequel to Superego.  They talk about the week’s big stories like Kanye West declaring a run for the Presidency, how modern Americans are definitely morally superior to slaveowners from 200 years ago, and why a Russian grandmother was caught smearing poo on playground swings.  They also talk about how the rich and the powerful can say whatever they want and then in the subscriber portion talk about all of Frank’s problematic writings. Show Outline Introduction Kyle and Ethan come down from their high of celebrating freedom by almost blowing themselves up and letting their kids play with fire. Weird News Driver fights off snake with just a knife and seatbelt while speeding at 76mph   Germany goes nuts over sausage vending machines   Alligator with missing limbs shows up on Florida family's porch     Escaped pigs cause traffic chaos on Virginia highway   Cat falls asleep in washing machine and miraculously survives 12-minute cycle   Woman, 90, caught smearing 'poo' on children's swings in bizarre protest Stomach-churning footage shows an elderly woman smearing what appears to human faeces on a children's swing she wants removed. Gavin Newsom could do this. Layering the skateparks with excrement. Married woman, 32, used doctored baby scans bought on eBay to fool her 18-year-old lover into thinking he was the father of her child and let his family bring the boy up as one of their own Stuff That’s Good Kyle likes Robot Jox. Ethan likes The Napoleon of Notting Hill by Chesterton. Frank likes Hamilton. Stories of the Week Story 1 - Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate Summary: Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far. The real story: Kanye West actually announced his presidential run -- though it’s not clear if he can actually still run. The Forbes interview Story 2 - Nation That Kills 3,000 Babies A Day Feels Morally Superior To Slaveowners From 200 Years Ago Summary: Leftists who support killing 3,000 babies a day were trying to virtue-signal but quickly ran into a problem: there's no one alive to whom they can feel morally superior. So, the movement was forced to look to people from 200 years ago to find someone they could somewhat credibly criticize for moral failings: slave owners What is it about humanity that makes us think the sins of other ages are so much worse than the sins of our age? Most people go with the crowd, how do you know you would not? It is like Chesteron’s picture of the cad who climbs up to the top of a castle turret then kicks down all ladders that got him there.  Real abolitionists who paid the price at the time  Story 3 - New App Reminds You To Look Up From Your Phone To Check If Your Kids Are Still Alive Summary: The tech world is abuzz after the announcement of a new smartphone app that could save millions of lives. The new app, called Kid-Alyve, will remind parents to look up from their phones every so often to confirm that their children are still breathing. -Parenting is crazy Topic of the Week Cancel Culture / Harper’s Letter Hate Mail LOVE MAIL Subscriber Portion Bonus Frank Stories And The Ten Questions Story 1 Innovative New Process Turns Vegetables into Meat by Feeding Them to Cows Story 2 Superman Criticized for Unrealistic Portrayal of Journalist as Heroic Story 3 Retraction: Those Kids We Accused Of Holding A KKK Rally Were Actually Just Playing Duck, Duck, Goose