Minding the Pain With Stefanie Boyce

When I'm with my friends we like to talk about hair, fashion, or whether keto even really works. We also talk about serious things. We rarely dive into the topic of grief. This is weird because we all grieve. Within my set of friends there is one whose marriage is ending, there is one who has buried a child, there are three or four who have buried a parent, had to file bankruptcy, and a few have checked a loved one into rehab. Grief is this thing that we all have in common, yet we don't talk about it. Why? We don't talk about grief, because grief is a party crasher. We touch on it briefly. We know it's not going away. It's cracks will be with us forever. Grief will always be a part of our lives, so we might as well learn a little bit about it. This is where my friend Stefanie comes in. My guest today is Stefanie Boyce. Stefanie is a speaker, writer, bible study teacher, wife, mother of 3 (two who are at home and one with Jesus). She is currently journeying from Type A to Plan B. You can find Stefanie here: Stefanie BoyceInstagram:  @StefanieBoyce5Facebook:  @StefanieBoyce5 Show Notes [04:21] When I met Stefanie, she swept me off my feet. Our hearts connected. [05:31] Stefanie is going from type A to plan B. [06:19] Stefanie realized that God has a better plan for her. [06:52] She had to understand that God wanted the best for her and his plan was better even though there was pain. [07:38] In 2009, Stefanie's son was diagnosed with mucopolysaccharidoses or MPS. They were devastated to find out that their son's health would continue to regress. She then found out that her 3-month old daughter also had it. [12:45] Her daughter had a different sub-type. [14:07] Stefanie watched her newly diagnosed children laugh and play, and she decided that these diseases were not going to get the better of them. [14:30] Stefanie realized in that moment, her kids were still alive, and she was going to make the most of it and trust in the lord.   [14:53] Because these diseases were genetic, there was a 25% chance any new children would have it. [15:39] They pursued every angle to safely add a children to their family. They then surrendered to God, and Stefanie got pregnant. Her newest daughter didn't have it and isn't a carrier. [17:01] She realized she would have to live in a world where she held typical and terminal intention. [18:39] We can choose to focus on the things in life that aren't broken. [19:12] Stefanie's son passed away when he was 11 years old. [19:20] Her nine-year-old daughter Brooklyn passed away eight months later. [19:33] They lost both children within 8 months. [20:22] The blessing underneath the pain was that Stefanie knew that her time was limited and made the most of it. [22:19] If we don't learn how to integrate the laughter with the sorrow, I don't know how we would do it. You can't compartmentalize grief, it just becomes part of your story. [23:35] Some of the most difficult things that God brings us through are also some of the most amazing gifts. We can now see things that we didn't see before. [25:59] I can either choose to bring purpose to my pain and use it to help other people, or I can just look at all of the darkness and how bad it sucks. [28:50] Gold plate grit. The strong are the ones who watch the process of healing. [31:21] Every good story has a middle ground, and that is why the redemption story at the end is so good. [33:00] If we surrender and ask God to show us, there is beauty to be found. [33:31] Surrender and ask God to take control. Surrender and ask God give you the eyes to see. [37:02] You don't have to be on the other side of your pain to start seeing beautiful things. [38:25] It's easy to feel sorry for yourself, but it's about surrender and making something beautiful. [39:36] A lot of it is about making a choice. [40:44] Grief can be like a wave you can feel it wash over you, but you will be better and stronger on the other side of it. [42:20] No one can help the grieving like those that are grieving. [43:41] War wounds and scars are things that we have in common. [45:54] The most important thing you can do to help people that are going through grief is to let them speak about their loved ones and say their names. [46:07] We are so afraid to bring up grief and pain, but by saying their names we honor the life that they lived. [49:00] I will always associate Stefanie as being joyful. [50:45] Stefanie answers the three rapid fire questions. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you. Links and Resources: Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Singles Love Letter Rising Strong by Brene Brown Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman What Is Sanfilippo Syndrome? What is mucopolysaccharidoses?