N4L 085: "How to Be a Happier Parent" by KJ Dell’Antonia

SUMMARY Blogger and author KJ Dell’Antonia knows “How to Be a Happier Parent.” With four children under her own roof, she was compelled to discover keys to “Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute.” By surveying 1000 parents, Dell'Antonia tracked down common behaviors and attitudes among happier parents. She also found common pain points parents face. So, her self-help book contains her own story "of finding a place of joy and satisfaction with [her] life and [her] family life." For the rest of parents, it serves as a guide for becoming happier parents while striking out on their own journey.  KEY POINTS Happiness is not a goal of achievement but a goal of motion. Our goal should be “efficacy” = when we feel satisfied we’re doing something right but not necessarily perfectly Parents can be happier by changing the stories they tell. Notice the things we wanted and planned for. KJ’s “Ten Mantras for Happier Parents” include: You can be happy when your children aren’t (vs. You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child). You don’t have to get it right every time. What you want now isn’t always what you want later. Soak up the good. You as a parent need to be OK with disappointment so your kid sees you model control and tap into long-view perspective. To instill grit, kids have to experience some unhappiness while they’re young. Happier parents keep an adult perspective take time to notice the things going right keep their own interests alive take into account all the family (including themselves) when making decisions Some pain points for parents include mornings, siblings, homework, chores, and discipline. Be glad you have time to help/coach your kids while they’re still living with you. In times of crisis (if you have time): laugh, cry, breathe, think, plan, or talk to your partner before talking to an erring child.  QUOTES FROM DELL’ANTONIA “[Happier parents] revel in the meaning and excitement that comes from the adventure of raising a family instead of trying to measure our success.” “We are all looking to be a little happier around the experience that we’re having right now.” “Nobody wants to bear the burden of somebody else’s happiness.” “The truth is that you do not want to raise a child who’s been happy for their entire childhood. You don’t want to raise a child who’s never so much as lost a balloon. That is…the worst college roommate in the history of mankind.” “Siblings…they all want all of us!” “Parents of younger kids describe themselves as happier when they’re a little more involved; parents of older kids describe themselves as happier when they’re a little less involved in the day-to-day responsibilities. So, that evolution of independence is important for the kid and it’s the right thing for us!” “Soak up the good by paying attention. Even when things are going wrong, overall things are pretty good…The ordinary days are really good!” BUY How to be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute RECOMMENDATION BUY How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Connect with us on social media! Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube Website Special thanks… Music Credit Sound Editing Credit