N4L 017: "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman first published The Birth Order Book in 1985. Today, more than three decades and two reprintings later, the book still holds relevance. Evidently, we never fully outgrow our birth order. (Just think about those family gatherings when your older sister is still telling you how to make gravy.) Naturally, every birth order position has its strengths and weaknesses. Learning to leverage the good in each is the key to building happy relationships. Leman explains common traits of the four birth order positions: firstborn (perfectionistic, dependable, sensitive to criticism), middleborn (secretive, mentally tough, independent), lastborn (uncomplicated, vivacious, manipulative), and only born (self-motivated, fearful, cautious). Contrary to popular opinion, parents need to learn to parent each child differently. Of course, all families don’t fit neatly into a box of two parents and three children, so it’s important to account for variables such as gender and years apart in age. For example, a second-born girl following an older brother will have many traits of a firstborn, as might a middle-born child with four years in between him and the next oldest sibling. Other disrupters in birth order include death, divorce, adoption, and step-families. (Note: Dr. Leman claims there’s no such thing as a “blended” family. He says these families don’t blend; they collide. And their foundation is “cemented with a mortar of…anger.”) Sensitivity to birth order traits can also help employers pick the right person for a job. In fact, with some small talk and a little observation, bosses can learn to distinguish among firstborns, who get the job done; middleborns, who make great managers; and lastborns who can “sell dead rats for a living.” Knowing birth order can also be insightful when choosing a mate. Dr. Leman says the strongest marriages are between any two people not of the same birth order. On the other hand, a marriage between two firstborns can be volatile unless they learn to divide responsibilities. However, the good news is, with a little help from The Birth Order Book, all marital combinations can work. In the end, “The smart person figures out how to navigate all birth orders.” BUY The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are Music Credit Sound Editing Credit Photo Credit: Tom Spitz Photography, Tucson, AZ