Skip the Drama: advice on parenting a teen girl from psychologist Sarah Hughes

Body image, anxiety, self-harm, social media, homework, partying, curfews, respect... It's not easy being a teenage girl and it's not easy parenting a teenage girl. Child psychologist Sarah Hughes - who has worked with hundreds of teenage girls and their families - shares some advice from her new book Skip the Drama.Body image, anxiety, self-harm, social media, homework, partying, curfews, respect... It's not easy being a teenage girl and it's not easy parenting a teenage girl. Child psychologist Sarah Hughes shares some advice from her new book Skip the Drama.Teenage girls are known for catastrophising and emotional meltdowns for a reason, says Hughes, who has worked with hundreds of teenage girls and their families.As their hormones rage and their brains are still developing, girls are getting hit with a lot of stress they don't yet have the skills to cope with."They're being exposed to stressors before they've had the chance to build skills."Social media has intensified pressure on teenage girls and contributed to the escalation of anxiety disorders, she says.As a means of coping, an increasing number of girls experiment with self-harm - something many parents struggle to understand.Try and provide your teen with other ways to cope so their anxiety doesn't develop into a lifelong issue, she says.So what's a parent to do?Many people struggle to find practical strategies for helping their teenage girls cope while keeping themselves sane, Hughes says.Teens can seem very self-focused and unconcerned with those around them - especially their own family members.Look at how you respond when they make what you might perceive as a "selfish request", she suggests.Are you lecturing?Teens will usually tune out from a stern long-winded lecture - so you're not going to get very far with that, Hughes says.Are you actually caving?"might rant and rave and go into all the reasons why it's really inconvenient for them to give their teen a lift really last minute because she hasn't organised a ride in advance - but then when they take her anyway it actually reinforces that selfish demand."A lot of time parents are trying to teach their kids with their words that they're selfish but their actions reinforce behaviour."Negotiation is key - learn the waysTeenagers need to feel heard and that their concerns are taken seriously, so try and convey this when communicating with them, Hughes says…Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details