61. Communicating and Connecting with Your Partner Through Your Authentic Self with Alison Armstrong

Alison Armstrong is a world expert on male/female and masculine/feminine dynamics.  She is the author of Queen’s Code  and creator of the widely acclaimed Queen’s Code Workshop Series and the Understanding Women Workshop. Alison is the CEO and co-founder of PAX Programs Incorporated and a mother of three. Alison has produced dozens of programs, books, and videos as well as speaking and counseling. All of this work has helped so many of us to gain a greater understanding of the intricacies of male/female relationships. Her work can help us optimize our understanding of ourselves and the people we love.   Connect with Alison Armstrong: www.understandmen.com In this week’s Episode: [02:00] - Alison talks to us about the different stages adult men and women go through. [03:45] - We hear how the stage a man is in will help determine what he is focused on, what he can provide, and what he can’t provide. Alison describes men in the Page and Knight stage.  Pages being young boys who are developing themselves into heroes. Knights being reluctant to spend energy on things that do not develop them, challenge them, or provide some kind of adventure or conquest. [06:00] - Alison explains the phases of the Prince stage, where a man’s life is now put together enough for him to begin to build. [06:19] - She talks about the differing views men have about how a partner fits into the Prince stage. [07:20] - Alison tells us why men in the Prince stage are often called workaholics, and why that is unfair. [08:10] - We touch on the Tunnel stage of a man’s life, often called the mid-life crisis. Why men begin to question the value of the work that they have done up to that point. [08:47] - Alison gives a warning to women: if you don’t support a man during his time in the tunnel you may stop being the women in his life. [09:13] - Men in the tunnel phase may lose interest in things, and they become less willing to engage in things they are not interested in.  Alison talks about why women try to manipulate men most of the time and how showing respect is a better option for both men and women. [11:46] - Alison tells us why the stages that women go through are more complicated and less direct than men’s stages. [13:16] - Alison stresses the importance of women noticing where they go, within themselves, to make big decisions, that will change during different stages, and be difficult or impossible to do during a women’s time in the tunnel. [14:40] - Alison explains that women can be affected by the masculine stages of development and that they actually have access to all the aspects of their femininity from the very beginning. [16:12] - Alison says “All of our femininity is available to us all of the time, but the parts that are not hormonally supported, we have to consciously choose to nurture that.” [16:38] - We talk about the Temptress, Mother, and Queen stages.  Alison explains why there is not a Princess stage. [17:31] - Alison talks about how men and women go through the different stages differently.   [18:48] - Sleep nurtures all stages of femininity.  When women are not well rested they tend to function through their masculine tendencies. [22:47] - When talking about the feminine; we call the Temptress the physical, the Mother the emotional, and the Queen the spiritual. [23:41] - Alison talks about the happiness of a women having a profound effect on the happiness of those around her and how withholding her happiness can be a way that women manipulate those around them. [24:07] -  Alison discusses the differences between the human animal and the human spirit, and the implications of those differences on human behavior. [28:13] - We talk about dating as a sorting process. [31:19] - Alison tells us why self-confidence and authenticity are the two traits men find most attractive in women. [33:47] - We chat about the value of making a commitment to leave someone better than when you found them.  Taking the Hippocratic Oath to at the very least, do no harm. [34:15] - Alison talks about strategies for understanding the ‘code’ that the opposite sex speaks in. [37:50] - Alison explains that the communication between men and women is a mess because we think that we understand each other. [39:17] - Alison goes in depth about the ‘Meadow Report’ and how estrogen shapes the female brain.  The instinctive impulse in women for accuracy and detail. How women’s nature as gatherers has developed into a diffuse awareness, awareness of everything around them. [42:10] - Alison tells us why she NEVER recommends that men ask women “how they are”, she gives excellent examples of what to ask instead. [44:44] - We talk more about the diffuse awareness of women compared to the more focused and intensity of men. [46:15] - Alison expands on the idea of men being goal oriented, almost always having a specific goal, intention, or destination in mind. How they will screen out all of the things that are not relevant to that goal. [47:16] - “Men get frustrated because they’re committed and women get overwhelmed because they are aware of so many things.” [50:12] - Alison explains what a ‘sleep slide’ is and the dangers of getting in the middle of it. She brings up her love of Dr. Breus’ new book ‘The Power of When’.  He was a recent guest on this podcast, go listen to that HERE. [52:12] - Alison talks about her communication tip called ‘holding the trash’. Links and Resources: www.understandmen.com www.queenscode.com Queen’s Code Workshop Series Queen’s Code for Life Program Understanding Women Workshop   Keys to the Kingdom   The Amazing Development of Man   In Sync with the Opposite Sex ‘It’s not about the nail!’ Video The Dance of Partnership   Tony Robbins - Date with Destiny   Dr. Michael Breus' interview on the Optimized Geek Podcast How Women Feel Video - "Crashing the System"