Parenting While Questioning Your Faith

I talk with Bekah McNeel, author of Bringing Up Kids When Church Lets You Down, about parenting after or during a faith shift. Our conversation covers topics like perfectionism, doubt, the problems of obedience-based discipline, and deconstructing from conservative Christianity. This episode taps into a much broader dialogue about how to engage with people about religious topics, how to encourage differences of beliefs, and how to prioritize relationships over being right. I highly recommend Bekah McNeel’s book Bringing Up Kids When Church Lets You Down. You can find Bekah on Instagram @ wanderbekah. Even as someone who does not have kids, I’ve gained so much from reading her book, especially in centering conversations on others and what others need to hear instead of what we think we should say. So important! Interview Questions (listen to the episode to hear Bekah’s answers!): What advice do you have for someone who is a parent and questioning their faith? Many Christians feel a pressure or a need to be certain about their beliefs. How does the fixation on certainty turn into perfectionism?  How is parenting related to perfectionism?  In your book, you mention that perfectionism is not unique to conservative Christianity.  It’s not just about what we believe but also how we believe it and how it affects our lives. How do we change not just our beliefs but also how we approach our beliefs? And, in the context of parenting, how have you changed your perspective on what parenting means to you?  You describe the January 6th riot that, “a bunch of God-fearing white evangelicals stormed the US Capital sporting Confederate flags and face paint.” Shortly after, you left your journalism job to focus on writing this book. How did January 6 affect your writing?  When you’re a parent struggling with faith, what do you tell your kids about hell? You share three options in your book. What are some ways we can answer “what happens when we die?”  What does anti-racism look like for your family?  What are some of the dangers of the “spare the rod, spoil the child” approach with respect to shame and bodily autonomy? Particularly, how does it fail to address underlying mental health issues? How should we talk about Bible stories kids hear while minimizing dogmatism setting in? How can we share faith with kids as interfaith parents? How can we balance personal faith while also giving kids a safe place to explore other faiths, too? Note: Bekah references the book The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik.