Surviving A Breakup

Relationships are work, hard work at times. Loving another person is more than a feeling, it’s a choice. The sense and feeling most books and movies ascribe to love is just an emotional reaction. Real love comes from choosing to be with that one person over all the others. Sometimes that choice is easy and other times it is difficult, but one that we make. Sometimes the person we’ve chosen to love no longer feels the same way and does not make the same choice to love us back. In those cases, when they decided to leave but we want them to stay emotional pain and trauma occur. Most of your romantic relationships will end in some form of break-up, that’s just the way dating works. It can feel devastating when a relationship ends. It can take time and several relationships to find the right person, very few very lucky people find the right one in their first relationship. For the rest of us we have to suffer through a few break-ups before we find the right one. If we do it right then we’ll learn a little about ourselves and others from each relationship. Understanding this can help to make break-ups easier. It will not take away the pain, but may put some perspective on it that will dull it a bit. Whether you are going through a break-up, are the one who left, or are helping a friend through a rough break-up there are strategies that will help to reduce the pain and promote healing. No one enjoys ending a relationship, however there are things that you can do to ease the suffering of yourself and others as they go through the emotional turmoil of a break-up. Relationships require effort to work, when they end it can feel like you’ve wasted time and energy. This feeling is healthy when brief right after the breakup, but don’t let it linger too long. These tips and strategies are not only for the person who has been dumped or left. They can also help the person who realizes they need to end the relationship. If a break-up is fresh you may have to just focus on taking it one hour at time, then you can move to one day at a time, then to one week or one month at a time. You may have solid relationship, or be single, knowing these strategies can help you to be there for your friends going through a break-up. Episode Breakdown Let yourself grieve, it is a loss and you shouldn’t fight your feelings instead let them flow. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.” ~ C.S. Lewis Grieving when you lose someone is a natural response, don’t fight this necessary step to recovery. Many people delay their healing because they don’t allow themselves to grieve or to fully experience the grief process. Don’t be too ashamed to cry it out, even us guys need the cathartic release of crying during a loss. It may feel like if you start you won’t be able to stop, well allow yourself time and space to cry it all out. You will stop, eventually. Understanding the various stages of grief will help you to both realize where you are in the process and to know what to expect. * Denial – Typically the first response to grief, it acts as a numbing agent to hold back the overwhelming emotions. * Bargaining – Usually happens when you can’t deny it any longer so you look for ways to stop the breakup from happening. * Anger – This comes about when the bargaining doesn’t work, so frustrations turns to anger and resentment. * Depression – Often the longest stage of grief, it seems like there is no hope of ever feeling happy again. * Acceptance – The final stage comes when you accept that you will not be getting back together, or staying together. While there is a typical progression through the stages, that doesn’t mean that you will experience them...