Learning To Say No

Far too often when faced with a personal request that we don’t want to do or don’t have capacity, we will acquiesce, or (according to the dictionary) “accept something reluctantly but without protest.” We don’t want to disappoint others or we want to maintain a relationship so we say yes when we really want to say no. For some people the image of being a helpful, can-do, person is more important than their own health. They will give up sleep, family time, or other hobbies to maintain that image of the helpful person. Unfortunately saying yes too often corrodes relationships and damages our ability to actually be helpful. It leads to resentment toward the person asking of us and prevents us from being able to do the things that we want or need to do for our own self-care. Learning to say no, when appropriate, can be difficult for someone who has spent their life trying to please people or who sees themselves as the can-do helper who is always willing to put in the extra work. For them saying no is not only foreign, but it is worse than cursing. However, by learning to say no they will begin setting boundaries that will allow them to have healthier relationships. They will also gain a better sense of themselves and what it takes for them to recharge and be most productive and helpful. Learning to say no is a valuable life skill that translates to the business world and development. It is important to being able to take care of yourself and establishing boundaries with those around you. While you are learning to say no, remember to respect when others say no to you. It can be frustrating, but remember to put yourself in their place and think about how you want to be treated when you say no to someone. They may be following the example you set by saying no and how you respond will greatly influence their future efforts to say no. A little bit of respect for others boundaries goes a very long way toward better relationships at work or in your personal life. Episode Breakdown Importance of Saying No You are NOT a terrible, horrible, evil person for saying “no”. Many people have the misinformed belief that they are being rude or selfish if they say no to someone. They believe saying “no” is impolite and people will not like them if they don’t acquiesce to others. A lot of times this stems from childhood, because it was considered rude or impolite to say no to parents, teachers, etc. This can grow into a belief that you cannot say no, even when you want to do so. In childhood you were expected to acquiesce to higher authority because they were looking out for your best interests. As an adult, you are capable of making your own choices and saying no to things that you do not want or have capacity to do is one of those choices. In order to grow as a person you’ll need to disassociate the act of saying “no” with being disagreeable or selfish. When you say “no” you are showing respect to yourself and the other person. By saying “no” when you don’t want to do something you are showing the other person that you respect yourself and them enough to be honest. Acquiescence, even on minor issues, eventually leads to resentment. Over time this will destroy relationships whether they are romantic, friendships, or work related. Saying “no”, when appropriate, is also the first step in defining healthy relationship boundaries. You will start a process that will lead to healthier relationships in your life. This respect and appropriate boundaries will not only affect you, but it will set an example for others in your life to model and build healthier relationships. If you’re unable to care for yourself, then you won’t be able to care for others. In order to be able to provide the best for others in your ...